Final Fantasy X MY WAY!
by YunazMyBiznatch
Summary: This is just a messed up version of Final Fantasy X if they let a psycho like me make it. This is my first fan fiction so dont go all sephiroth and stab me!
1. Sin's Attack On Zanarkand

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X .......yet.......  
  
Hey guys. This is my first time writting fan fiction. If u don't like it you got a right to your opinion. But you got to tell me what the fucks wrong with it!!! But anyway I hope you enjoy this piece of shit.  
  
Our story opens with a famous blitzball star named Tidus who has just woken up to hear his fans chanting his name outside his window.....  
  
Tidus: don't these fucking people have a life!? Now I have to get the hell up! Basterds....  
  
::Gets dressed and goes outside::  
  
Tidus: what the fuck do you guys want?!  
  
Female Fan: OH MY GAWD!!!! ITS HIM!!! SIGN MY JUGS!!!  
  
Tidus: d-d-d-d- damn you fine girl! Gimme your number and later I'll show you my blitz balls.:: winks::  
  
:: female fan faints::  
  
Little kids: us too!  
  
Tidus: well, ok.  
  
::After giving autographs::  
  
Tidus: well I gotta go. See ya later!  
  
Little kids: 1...2...3... TEACH US HOW T-  
  
Tidus: leave me the fuck alone! ::pushes them into the lake::  
  
::makes his way to the stadium::  
  
Tidus: oh fuck it's a crowd. Move the fuck out of the way!  
  
Old lady: I love you!  
  
Tidus: Hey don't touch me there! Get out of the way! Watch the hair! Damn! Next time Ima bring my 9 mil Next time.  
  
::In the blitz ball stadium waiting for the game to start::  
  
Tidus: ::looks at his reflection in the water:: Im always being attacked by the same fucking mobs everyday! damn my good looks! Oh well time to blitz! ::jumps into the water:: I got the ball! He he he he!  
  
Woman: ::bitch slaps tidus:: gimme the ball you chicken shit!  
  
Tidus: ::elbows woman in the face:: my ball bitch! And now its time for my special blitz ball move! Sassy Flower Power Kick!  
  
:: but in the middle of his move he sees a giant monster shooting shit out of its ass! And it their coming this way!::  
  
Tidus: Holy shit! I got grab on to something!  
  
Old lady: here take my hand!  
  
Tidus: thank god!  
  
Old lady: I cant wait to take you home! Then you can screw me! I heard you were ruff in bed!  
  
Tidus: it aint fucking worth it!::lets go of hand::  
  
Tidus: plunges down and almost dies but a drug dealer breaks his fall::  
  
Drug dealer: yo son look what you did!  
  
Tidus: im sorry I didn't me to break your eh... bong?  
  
Drug dealer: you damn right you sorry! ::wips out gun:: you besta buy somethin!  
  
Tidus: hook me up with some chronic and purple haze biatch.  
  
Drug dealer: white boy knows his drugs!  
  
Tidus: WORD UP!  
  
Drug dealer: get the hell out of here before I busta cap in yo ass!  
  
Tidus: Im out!  
  
::a moment later::  
  
Tidus: Auron?!  
  
Auron: ::talking to himself:: (damn my ass hurts I shouldn't have stuck it in there)oh! hey fruit. Tidus: whats going on?  
  
Auron: just follow me you pansy.  
  
Tidus: fine. So whats that thing attacking the city?  
  
Auron: that shitty lookin thing is called sin.  
  
Tidus: OH MY GOD THERES A FIEND!  
  
Auron: no shit sherlock! Heres the crappy sword your father wanted me to give you.  
  
Tidus: my old man? ::swings sword at fiends::  
  
Auron: you gotta be fuckin kiddin me.  
  
BATTLE!  
  
Auron: just slice the shit up ok wuss?  
  
Tidus: ok I'll try! ::swings sword:: Auron takes 100 damage 346 left.  
  
Auron: you fucking homo!  
  
Tidus: oh dear! im sorry!  
  
Sin Spawn: I will defeat both of you and make butt slaves out of you!  
  
Tidus:NOOOO!!!  
  
Auron: im tired of this shit! You got a match?  
  
Tidus: I sure do how u think I be blazin?  
  
Auron: lets burn this dumb fuck!::pours gasoline all over sin spawn::  
  
Sin Spawn: guys I didn't mean the butt slave thing really!  
  
Tidus: go to hell! Sin Spawn takes 7,369 damage.  
  
BATTLE ENDS  
  
Auron: lets go!  
  
Tidus: the bridge is collapsing!  
  
Auron: jump you dumb shit!  
  
Tidus: 1...2... OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! DON'T MAKE ME PLEASE!  
  
Auron: Jump pussy!  
  
Tidus: ok ima do it! ::squeals::  
  
::Now tidus is hanging on the edge about to be sucked in by sin::  
  
Auron : did you have to scream like a little bitch!?  
  
AND THE STORY BEGINS  
  
Well this is the first chapter. I'll write more as soon as I can. I hope you enjoyed it. 


	2. Bajj Temple

Disclaimer: if I owned FFX do u think I would be writing this?  
  
Hey! Im glad that the people who are reading this likes this. I really thought it was crap. But anyway......  
  
We open the chapter with our hero Tidus passed out holding on to a rock in a ruin looking temple.  
  
Tidus: O what the fuck? Why does my ass hurt?  
  
::tidus looks around the area::  
  
Tidus: how the fuck did I get here? Shit I must be high.....  
  
::Tidus swims his way to the front of the strange temple::  
  
Tidus: great now im not gonna be able to ass ram that girl with the jugs...... ::bridge collapses:: holy shit! I guess im gonna have to jump in and maybe get killed by whatever is down there....  
  
Voice: ::sounds like a drag queen:: he he he he he hello there.  
  
Tidus: who the hell are you?  
  
Voice: he he he he I found you hanging onto that rock and I had my way with you!  
  
Tidus: (so that's why my ass hurt!) What do you want from me?!  
  
Voice: I want that sweet ass all over again!!!!  
  
::an eruption of boulders occur::  
  
Tidus:: A fiend raped me?!  
  
Voice Fiend: My name is Geosgaeno! Come with me cracker!  
  
BATTLE!!!  
  
Geosgaeno: Im horny ass hell!!! Come over here!!!  
  
Tidus: ::squealing:: NOO!!!  
  
Geosgaeno: o come on I promise it wont hurt! It didn't hurt your father!!!  
  
Tidus: ::gasps:: my father?!  
  
Geosgaeno: yes and his ass was much better than yours!!!  
  
Tidus: NU HUH! Mine is the best ::spanks his own ass:: you just mad cuz you aint getting any o this!  
  
Geosgaeno: come over her you little bitch!  
  
Tidus: Its on now! ::cocks his gun:: didn't think id be prepared bitch?!  
  
Geosgaeno: woah there. Im sorry guy I didn't mean to rape you!  
  
Tidus: shut the fuck up! ::loud gun shot is heard::  
  
Geosgaeno: Fuck! My arm! I'll come back for you I swear it!  
  
BATTLE ENDS  
  
Tidus: what a dumb fuck.....  
  
::Tidus swims his way into a hole he found and emerges in a strange looking room with patterns on the floor::  
  
Tidus: holy crap its devil worship! I aint messin with that shit!  
  
::as tidus turns around something catches his eye::  
  
Tidus: ::tearing:: oh my god! Its..... its..... porn! My beloved porn. Heres Saving Ryans Privites and Midgets Get Rowdy!!!!! Im coppin this shit!  
  
::after stealing all the porn yet another voice is heard::  
  
2nd voice: HEY BITCH THAT'S MY PORN!!!!  
  
Tidus: Mine now sucka!  
  
2nd voice: we must do battle!  
  
BATTLE!!!!  
  
2nd voice: im coming down right now!  
  
::tidus sees a strange figure fall from the ceiling::  
  
2nd voice: my name is Klink . I- OH MY GOD IM GONNA FALL INT-  
  
Tidus: HA HA HA HA! A pile of jagged rocks you stupid assmuncher!  
  
BATTLE ENDS  
  
::as tidus is rolling with laughter he hears strange voices speaking another language::  
  
Male: vcjgby dhfkjhf oe fsah gdjhrmf ynfnt! (theres nothing in this fucking place!)  
  
Female: hg fjkns gwl dhh gjrt gnrcky hj hfkj fjdg fdhg hj! (ima cut off your testies if you don't shut up!)  
  
Tidus: ::runs over:: are you guys here to save me?!  
  
Male: ::nodding and whispering to his friend:: jdhx hjdv kfg! (lets rape him!)  
  
Female: hg! gd kdjf bjh jfjhdgf! (no! we take him hostage!)  
  
Male: ::sounding sad:: ghjf.... (fine....)  
  
Tidus: uh he he he?  
  
Female: cunno. (sorry) ::stabs him in his head::  
  
Well there chapter 2. Sorry if it wasn't funny like the other one. I didn't have much to work with! Anyway ill try harder with the next chapter. And tidus isnt dead! You'll see in chapter 3! 


	3. Al Bhead Ship

DISCLAIMER: I do not own FFX. If I did there would be a lot more nudity.  
  
Hey. Um.... Im glad I got at least one reader reading this but I wish I had more. So if you are reading my stuff please give me a review even if its bad. And with those reviews I will make it as good as possible for you guys.  
  
Last we left tidus he had met the weird al bhead and one of them stabbed him in the head...... yeah.  
  
Male al bhead: yjh jfh ksb gpdh jgm jk gwy bvxk?!(why did you stab him?!)  
  
Female al bhead(FAB): h ghfjhgj hg ghbjk fb hgfsg. (I thought it would be funny.)  
  
Male al bhead: jfndbdu hyu gknd ghg d bngfmdy bhjg! (someone get this kid a phoenix down!)  
  
:: phoenix down is used::  
  
Tidus: You fucking immagrants!  
  
::male al bhead runs around making a lot of weird movments::  
  
Tidus: look not now. my ass is still sore from that fiend!  
  
FAB: No you dick! He means if you go with me and get some cool shit underneath the water you can stay.  
  
Tidus: wait you can talk?!  
  
FAB: yes  
  
Tidus: then why the fuck didn't you speak to me in english in the temple?!  
  
FAB: I like fuckin with peoples heads.  
  
Tidus: well not me you fuckin bitch ima bout to bring out my 9 mil and blow up dis shit. word up!  
  
FAB: who you think you be talkin to biatch?! ::snaps fingers:: I brought fifty deep wit me nigga! I don't play!  
  
Tidus: Yo I don't want to spark no shit.....  
  
FAB:Betta step down!  
  
:: tidus jumps into the water ::  
  
Tidus: lets just go get this shit!  
  
:: Tidus and the female Al Bhead make their why inside sunken air ship::  
  
Tidus: well now were stuck.  
  
FAB: go look at that controll panel you twat!  
  
Tidus: fine. Theres a hole in it..... maybe if I stick my dick in it it will open! Ok I put it in hear and.....  
  
BZZZZZZZZZ!  
  
Tidus: hey my dick shriveled up! And green stuff is comin out.....  
  
FAB: GROSS! Lets just go!  
  
:: tidus and the female al bhead make their way to a generator::  
  
Tidus: hey this has a hole to should I?  
  
FAB: knock yourself out.  
  
BZZZZZZZZZ!  
  
Tidus: hey! Now the stuff turned yellow!  
  
::they swim and meet a fiend::  
  
BATTLE  
  
Tros: hey girl if you let me ass ram him you can leave ok?  
  
Tidus: ha! She would never do that to me! Right?  
  
::crickets chirping::  
  
Tidus: NO!! HASN'T MY ASS HAD ENOUGH ABUSE?!  
  
Tros: come here sexy!!!!!  
  
BATTLE ENDS  
  
:: 2 Hours later The tros goes to the al bhead ship and drops him off::  
  
Tros: I'll pick you up tomorrow! 9ish ok?  
  
Tidus: ::whimpering::  
  
FAB: Had fun?  
  
Tidus: Yo shut up whats yo name biatch?  
  
FAB: WHAT!  
  
Tidus: ::in a low voice:: I just wanted to know your name....  
  
FAB: Rikku. Where you come from?  
  
Tidus: Zanarkand. Im the star player of the zanarkand abes! You want me to show you my special move?! Its called the Sassy Flower Power Kick!  
  
Rikku: You came up with that fruity move?  
  
Tidus: its not fruity its elegant!  
  
::the ship rumbles::  
  
Tidus: what the fuck was that?! Rikku: its sin!!!  
  
But before she cant save him tidus is thrown over board and engulfed by sin.....  
  
Well I hoped you liked it. It really sucked before. I had to change a bunch of crap with the help of my brother. If theres something you think I should improve on send me a review. 


	4. Besiad Village

Disclaimer: I do not own FFX.  
  
Sorry it took so long to make the next chapter. I just needed to be lazy for a while...... well here it is!  
  
We see Tidus floating in water when suddenly he wakes up.  
  
Tidus: Im getting real tired of this sin asshole.  
  
But as tidus is bitching about sin a blitz ball hits him in the face.  
  
Man: ::yelling::YOU ALRIGHT?!  
  
Tidus: OH MY GOD! ::takes out his hello kitty mirror:: if you messed up my perfectly perfect hair im gonna......::gasp!:: my forehead says blitz on it!!!  
  
Wakka: we'll fix it in besaid yah? And by the way my names Wakka!  
  
::Tidus and Wakka come to a cliff::  
  
Wakka: skinny dipping!!!  
  
Tidus: what!?  
  
Wakka: just kidding! That's for later ::runs finger down Tidus's arm::  
  
Tidus: oh crap! ::jumps into water::  
  
::another splash is heard::  
  
Wakka: wait! come back! I was just kidding!  
  
::tidus jumps out of the water and sees a village::  
  
Wakka: that's besaid village!  
  
Tidus: any hoes down there?  
  
Wakka: yeah! And they got fat asses!  
  
Tidus: lets bounce!  
  
::as they enter the village::  
  
Wakka: why don't you just walk around aimlessly until we have to save someone.  
  
Tidus: OH MY GOD THAT HAS SUPER FUN WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!!!  
  
Wakka: TOTALLY!!!  
  
Tidus: I wonder whats in this house.  
  
Tied Up Man: hit me harder!  
  
Woman: you've been a bad boy! You deserve a spanking! ::evil laughter::  
  
Tied Up Man: so bad! I've been so bad! Tidus: mmmmmm free porn.....  
  
::after a half hour of you no what tidus walks aroud some more::  
  
Tidus: whats this funny lookin house?  
  
Priest: this is the house of yevon.  
  
Tidus: Fo shizzle cause dat bitch owes me 700 gil! Were he be at?!  
  
:: After being thrown out of the temple::  
  
Tidus: Im tired.  
  
Wakka: Tired! Lika fox!!!  
  
Tidus: ...........  
  
Wakka:...........  
  
Tidus: so can I sleep hear?  
  
Wakka: sure.  
  
::As Tidus sleeps voices are heard in the backround::  
  
Priest: She's been in there for a couple of days now...  
  
Wakka: That stupid bitch! How hard is it to just pray for an aeon?!  
  
Priest: ummm......  
  
Wakka: ::sighs:: let me finish this first then.  
  
::ten minutes later::  
  
Tidus: I could have sworn I had my cloths on when I went to sleep. Wonder were Wakka is.  
  
::enters temple::  
  
Tidus: Whats goin down?  
  
Wakka: The summoner has been in there for days.  
  
Tidus: Gasp! What if somethings wrong?!  
  
Wakka: What could happen?  
  
Tidus: well nothing really but I must be dramatic! I'll save you!!!!  
  
::in the cloister::  
  
Tidus: whats with the orbs? Maybe if I put an orb in this hole.....  
  
::suddenly a door opens and a a scream sounding much like a little girl is heard::  
  
Tidus: MICHEAL JACKSON?!  
  
M J: ::gigges:: When im finished with little Billy here why don't you meet me here tomorrow? Same time?  
  
Billy: please sir! Hes raping m-  
  
Tidus: ::while locking the door:: not my problem. have fun!  
  
::After 2 hours of the sphere shit::  
  
Tidus: An elevator!  
  
Wakka: took you long enough.  
  
Tidus: how did you get here first?  
  
Wakka: the priest showed me a short cut in return for my services.  
  
Tidus: Well slap my pork and beat my chicken!  
  
::as they decend into the chamber::  
  
Wakka: oh yeah theres this bitch down there she might have a titty attack when she sees you.  
  
Tidus: that time of the month already?  
  
Wakka: everydays that time of the month for Lulu  
  
Lulu: What the fuck?!?! ::bitch slaps Wakka:: Don't I look FABULOUS!?!?!  
  
Wakka: ::while quivering:: yes mam  
  
Lulu: YOU! Say something!  
  
Tidus: nice pair of puppys you got there.  
  
Lulu: awwww your sweet. WHY CANT YOU BE LIKE THAT WA-  
  
:: a woman appears from a strange door way and starts to fall don't the steps but is caught by a lion lookin thing::  
  
Lion lookin thing: Is Yuna alright?  
  
Yuna: Im fine Kimar- did you just unhook my bra?  
  
Well that's it! Review it for me and give me some constructive critisicm if theres somethin wrong with it. Meaning no omg this is total suckness or dude. But anyway I'll try and update soon. 


End file.
